good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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