Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
