remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize