I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
