is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
