Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Floor bacon is actually really good
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
