You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
