If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
