Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
