i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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