1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
