In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
