He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
