I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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