Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
