Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
