only you would photoshop your dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
