You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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