happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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