ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just invented taco cereal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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