Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
