we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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