its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
