We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
