I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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