sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
