Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
