His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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