I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
