She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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