He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two words: eviction party
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
