the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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