Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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