Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
