All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
