i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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