How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
