...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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