i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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