so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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