return my video game
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
