i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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