You're so nebulous sometimes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize