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Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
