After last night, I could never be a politician.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
