THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
