why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize