You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My feet surprised me
Randomize
