apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
