We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
