I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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