Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
