would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
