i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
