He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
