I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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