did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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