There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
