sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
