I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
