Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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