Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
