i just had sex bonerless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
