There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
