i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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