I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
