I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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