im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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