she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
