How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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