But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize