It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my shit smells like andre
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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