I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
