Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His nipple licking is glorious
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