your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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