the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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