By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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